Description
Journal 2023: Trump, COVID, Sports, and Aging is the 20th yearly journal published by San Francisco author Joseph Sutton (12,00 words). Donald Trump, as he has since he came down the golden escalator in 2015, takes up a large chunk of Sutton’s thoughts. Sutton shows how the COVID pandemic changed his and his wife’s lives. An avid sports fan, Sutton follows San Francisco’s professional sports teams through their highs and lows. At the age of 83, with time running out, Sutton has set his sights on publishing as many yearly journals as he possibly can.
JOURNAL 2023
Friday, January 6, 2023
As I sit here and write, the House of Representatives, with the Republicans in the majority, have voted a dozen times and have yet to choose a Speaker of the House. Kevin McCarthy, it seems, will do anything to become Speaker. He’s conceded so many things to the extreme right-wing clique of his party, the same clique who refused to certify Joe Biden as president exactly two years ago on January 6, 2021.
All of this started with Donald Trump, a one-man wrecking ball to our country and the Constitution. Yes, Trump started it all, and God only knows how long this kind of irrational behavior by the Republicans is going to last. Oh, dear God in heaven, when the 2024 election takes place, please let the Democrats win the presidency and become the majority in the House and Senate. Please, God, I very rarely pray to you, but I’m praying now for my country and the Constitution, otherwise we’ll quickly spiral downward into an autocratic state. [Note: In November 2024, the Republicans won the majority in both the House and Senate and Donald Trump was elected President for the second time. God didn’t listen to my prayer to save our country from Trumpism.]
Friday, January 13, 2023
The pandemic has changed my life and Joan’s life quite a bit. We don’t go out anymore to restaurants, movies, or to friends’ houses. I, of course, see people at the YMCA in my water aerobics class, but that’s the extent of it. We might go to our son Ray and his wife Ashley’s house in Oakland to see them and our 2-year-old grandson Joseph. We might go to Ashley’s parents’ house in San Jose. But that’s it.
I think of my friends quite often and say to myself, “I’ll call them tomorrow or next week,” but rarely follow through with my intentions. In a way, Joan and I have become isolated. It’s safer to be at home while COVID still rages. I know a lot of people who’ve gotten COVID but thank goodness they’ve had their booster shots and haven’t had to go to the hospital. I came down with COVID last August. I’ll never forget the first day I had it. I felt like I had the worst case of flu in my life. I couldn’t move, I was weak, my joints ached, and I had a very bad headache. All I wanted to do was lie down.
It’s been raining quite a bit in California. A lot of floods and mudslides, trees have fallen, a couple of dozen people have died from all the rain we’ve received. Thank goodness, in the last couple of days, there hasn’t been any strong wind blowing down trees or power lines. Several nights ago, the wind was violent. Thank goodness our power wasn’t turned off. It’s happened in the past where our power has been disrupted with rain and wind, but so far, no blackouts. San Francisco has already reached its yearly rainfall total for the year—something like 21 inches. All this rain has happened in less than a month.
Tomorrow is the start of the NFL playoffs. The 49ers will play the Seattle Seahawks tomorrow at Levi’s Stadium in Santa Clara. It’s expected to rain, which kind of evens things out for the team that’s not favored to win. The 49ers are the hottest team in the NFL. They won 10 straight games in the regular season. They’re favored to win, but it’s the playoffs where anything can happen. The 49ers upset two teams last year to get into the NFC Championship game. But then they lost to the L.A. Rams, who they had beaten twice in the regular season. The Rams went on to win the Super Bowl against Tampa Bay and quarterback Tom Brady.
Carlos Correa signed a six-year contract with the Minnesota Twins for $200 million. That’s $33 million a year. The way pro athletes are paid nowadays, it makes it expensive for a fan to attend any sporting event. I hear at Chase Center here in San Francisco, where the Golden State Warriors play, a beer costs $17. Plus, a small percentage of people wear masks at sporting events. No more going to games for me.
Monday, January 30, 2023
Yesterday was a horrible day. It was overcast and cold. I woke up feeling the worst about the 49ers, that they’d lose the National Football Conference Championship game against the Philadelphia Eagles. And it turned out to be just that—a horrible, depressing day for the 49ers, and also for my son Ray and my wife Joan.
We got to Ray and Ashley’s house in Oakland and their TV was on the blink. The Championship game was about to begin. If the 49ers won, they’d go to the Super Bowl and play the eventual winner of the American Football Conference, which turned out to be the Kansas City Chiefs.
In the Eagles’ first series of downs, a pass was caught by their wide receiver, DeVonta Smith—except he didn’t catch it. It was fourth down and the 49ers would have taken possession of the ball on their 35-yard line, that is, if the referee had called it a non-catch. There was a replay of the catch on TV and it showed that Smith didn’t have possession of the ball when he hit the ground. But 49ers’ head coach Mike Shanahan, who wasn’t told to challenge the call from the coaches in the booth, let it ride. The Eagles went on to score. The whole complexion of the game would have changed if Shanahan had challenged Smith’s catch.
The Eagles kicked off and Brock Purdy, the 49ers’ Cinderella first-year quarterback, completed his first two passes. On his third pass attempt, his throwing arm was hit by one of the Eagles’ defensive linemen and the ball floated in the air for a supposed incompletion. After a replay, it was ruled a fumble which one of the Eagles recovered. But the most important thing that happened was that Purdy had to leave the game. It was found out the next day that he tore a ligament in his throwing elbow. In other words, Purdy wouldn’t have been seriously injured if DeVonta Smith’s catch from Jalen Hurts had been ruled an incomplete pass.
Out goes Purdy and all hope of the 49ers winning the game were completely diminished, except Christian McCaffrey, the 49ers running back, made a fantastic run of 24 yards to tie the game 7-7 in the second quarter. Josh Johnson, the 49ers’ backup quarterback, had taken over for the injured Purdy. In the third quarter Johnson was tackled, the back of his helmet hitting the ground hard, which turned out to be a concussion. Who was going to play quarterback? Purdy had to come back into the game with a dead throwing arm and everyone in the stadium and watching on TV could see he couldn’t pass the ball, that all the 49ers could do was run the ball. It was a rout from the third quarter on. Philadelphia 31-7 over the 49ers.
My feelings of a 49ers loss as soon as I woke up yesterday, our son Ray and Joan getting into an argument over a misunderstanding, our son’s TV not working correctly until he got the picture back just as the game was beginning, the overcast sky outside, our grandson Joe not getting his full nap because Ray and I woke him with our yells after McCaffrey’s great touchdown run when he was hit four or five times. It just wasn’t San Francisco’s day yesterday.
Sunday, February 5, 2023
I was reading a well-written explanation of the man who actually read all of Kafka’s diaries, Ross Benjamin, and I came to the conclusion that Kafka’s diaries and my journals are very much alike. This probably goes for other writers and authors who keep a diary or journal.
Here’s what Benjamin wrote: “[Kafka]…would alternate among different modes of writing, jotting down observations and reflections, drafting letters and fiction, describing his dreams…He crossed things out, made corrections and insertions, relentlessly reworked texts in successive variations. He wrote in fits and starts, constantly breaking off and beginning again. In the haste and spontaneity of diary writing, he penned unpolished, error-strewn prose.”
That’s how my journal writing goes. I’ve crossed things out, deleted and added, made observations and reflections, drafted letters, poems and fiction, and have made corrections galore. Yes, I too have unpolished and error-strewn prose. But in the days before computers, Kafka’s diaries were always hand-written or typed. I hand-wrote my journals with a pen for three decades before I turned to typing them on my computer. My penned journals show all mistakes and revisions that took place. A computer journal doesn’t show the mistakes and revisions that have taken place.
I have to add one more important thought after reading Benjamin’s article that was in today’s Sunday New York Times Opinion section, titled, “The Search for the Real Franz Kafka Continues.” Benjamin says Kafka’s literary executor, Max Brod, deleted a lot of what Kafka wrote in his diaries—the unnecessary, the superfluous, the unneeded. In other words, Benjamin is saying he included everything Kafka wrote as compared to what Max Brod took out.
What I’m doing in publishing my yearly journals is very similar to what Max Brod did: I take out what I think is unnecessary, superfluous, and unneeded. Sometimes I think I take out too much or leave too much in. It’s a constant battle with me.
Benjamin writes: “This fertile disarray had hardly been visible in Brod’s edition and its English translation. Sometimes, where Kafka’s efforts to write resulted in a staccato series of false starts and new iterations that veered off in discontinuous scraps, [Brod] stitched them together to fabricate a seamless composite, discarding whatever wouldn’t fit into a single, integrated whole. Gone, too, were Kafka’s misspellings, slips of the pen, sparse and unorthodox punctuation, occasionally muddled or mangled syntax, repetitions, abbreviations, contractions, regionalisms, and other stylistic quirks and infelicities.”
Should I, when transcribing from my written journals or revising my computer journals, should I include everything like Benjamin did with Kafka’s diaries, with all its misspellings, muddled thinking, and repetitions? Or should I take out what I think is superfluous?
I’ve taken Max Brod’s approach and revise my journals so as not to bore anyone who might someday read my journals.
Friday, February 17, 2023
The Super Bowl was a well-fought game between the Philadelphia Eagles and the Kansas City Chiefs this past Sunday. It was exciting down to the last few seconds. The Chiefs, with a supreme effort by quarterback Patrick Mahomes, defeated the Eagles 38-35. Mahomes, who had a high ankle injury prior to the Super Bowl, reinjured his ankle during the game. He was almost working on one leg and he still led Kansas City to a victory. Truly a valiant effort on his part.
For the last two nights in a row, on Turner Classic Movies, I watched Rhapsody in Blue, made in 1945, about George Gershwin’s life, starring Robert Alda as Gershwin. I loved the film and the music that Gershwin composed. The man was truly a genius. And then last night I watched the 1960s version of West Side Story. The music and choreography were of the highest quality. Leonard Bernstein composed the music, Stephen Sondheim the lyrics, Jerome Robbins directed and choreographed it, and Arthur Laurents wrote the book. A tremendous effort by all involved. It took years of getting all those great minds together, and finally it debuted on Broadway in 1957. I remember my brother Charles brought home the album that featured Larry Kert and Carol Lawrence in the lead roles. It was a Romeo-and-Juliet type of story. It was a big hit way back in the late-fifties and became even a bigger hit after the movie was released in 1961.
Last month, the day of my colonoscopy, my blood pressure was pretty high. The nurse told me I should buy a blood pressure monitor. I did as I was told and I’ve been taking my blood pressure since February 9th. Joan and I have been cutting out salt/sodium from my diet, for salt is the main culprit of high blood pressure. The meals she makes now are pretty bland. I’ve cut down completely on alcohol, except I’ve been drinking Clausthaler non-alcoholic beer ever since I quit taking a shot or two of bourbon before dinner. My blood pressure is still up there in the 150/70 range. Dr. Bugatto says I’ve got to lower the first number to under 140.
I’m trying to take care of myself. I’ve been going to my water aerobics class twice a week and walking three or four days a week. Before COVID began three years ago, I was attending class three days a week.
This week I had a permanent bridge of four teeth put into the lower, middle part of my mouth that has set me back $12,000.
Joan is cooking salmon tonight, something different than stir-fried chicken and vegetables that we’ve been eating for dinner.
Our son Ray and grandson Joe are coming to the house tomorrow. It’s always a joy to see the little tyke, who will be three on March 20. Ray and Ashley are going to throw a birthday party for him on Sunday, March 19.
Tuesday, March 9, 2023
For the past nine days I’ve been sick with a very bad cold and a very bad cough. My nose keeps running and I have no energy. In other words, I haven’t been to the YMCA pool in nine days, nor have I gone for a walk. I have an appointment today at Kaiser to take a COVID test.
Fox News has finally been caught lying about Dominion, the computer company that makes voting machines. Dominion, is suing Fox for over a billion dollars.
Fox’s three main broadcasters—Sean Hannity, Laura Ingraham, and Tucker Carlson—have been told by Rupert Murdoch, owner of Fox Corporation, to keep feeding lies to Donald Trump’s base. It just shows that Fox News’ main motivation is GREED instead of getting to the TRUTH. The Republicans in Congress, from Keven McCarthy on down in the House, from Mitch McConnell on down in the Senate, it’s all about money and power with them to not say anything bad about their dear leader, Donald Trump. Forget the poor, forget the country, the Republicans are only for lowering taxes for the wealthy, for how else can they survive if it wasn’t for the wealthy giving them money to run their campaigns and for trying to suppress the vote of Americans while seeming to be democratic? They’re also pandering to gun owners and anti-abortionists. When will Americans wake up to this corrupt party?
Who started all this lying and deceit? None other than Mr. Donald J. Trump. He’s had his run for far too long. It’s time for him to shut that big fat mouth of his. I hope he gets as tiresome to look at for those who have followed him, who have enabled him, as he does with me. The man is boring. It’s the same old broken record over and over again. “I was cheated and should be president. I won in a landslide.” That’s all he says in different ways. It’s just so clear to me now what the Republicans stand for. They have no ideas, except ideas they come up with that are anti-human and anti-democratic. The Democrats at least have ideas. They want to tax corporations and individuals who don’t pay their fair share. They want to fix the infrastructure of this country, which will produce more jobs for people. They want to lower the prices on pharmaceuticals and take care of the environment. The Democrats know what is needed while the Republicans are doing everything in their power to hold them back. That’s the Republicans for you. There’s no thinking of the future with them. They’re only motive is for holding power and for protecting the wealthy. They’re an extremely negative party is what it all boils down to.
Wednesday, March 15, 2023
It’s been 14 days that I’ve been spitting out crud from my chest and runny nose. I have no energy. I rarely go out (the long season of rain hasn’t helped). But guess what? The sun was out when I woke up today, and so late this morning I went for a 2800-step walk, according to my Fitbit watch. I was determined to get some sun. The rain hasn’t ceased, except for today. This week the rain has kept me inside without my even stepping outside for one second. My cold was so bad that I called Kaiser last week. I’ve been taking Mucinex. The doctor told me last week that if my cough persists I should get a chest x-ray. “Why would he want me to have an x-ray?” I thought. “Could it be that I might have pneumonia?” Those two questions were in my thoughts Sunday night. I went for a chest x-ray Monday and got the results back almost immediately. No sign of pneumonia or pleurisy, thank goodness.
Joan picked up my bad cold. I hear other people, too, have had long extended colds this season. When it rains a lot and one can’t get outside into the sun, long extended colds take hold. I’ve been inside more with this cold than when I had COVID last August.
I’ve been on an almost strict diet of no salt or sodium. My blood pressure today was 128/67. Wow. Great news for me. Cutting out salt is working. It’s brought down my blood pressure from 165 in January to 128 today.
My strength is surely not where I’d like it to be. Slowly but surely, though, it’s coming back. I’d say it’s about 50% right now.
I’ve been working on Journal 1993 for a long time. I’ve had to transcribe it from my written journal to my computer. Transcribing is such a slow process for me. I so much prefer writing journal entries on my computer than writing them with a pen.
The 49ers are losing some players and gaining some. They’ve lost quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo to the Oakland Raiders, a couple of defensive backs, a linebacker, and a couple of defensive linemen. They picked up a supposedly great defensive lineman in Javon Hargrave who signed a four-year contract worth $80 million. He played for the Philadelphia Eagles. Quarterback Aaron Rodgers, a mainstay for the Green Bay Packers for many years, signed with the New York Jets. A lot of juggling with football players has been going on for the past two days.
The Golden State Warriors have about 15 games left in the regular season. They are so good playing at home but have the worst record for a championship team on the road. They’re going on a five-game road trip that begins in L.A. today against the Clippers. Steph Curry, since he came back from a knee injury, is playing phenomenal ball. You can see him actually will the team to victory at home, but on the road the team falters.
Friday, March 31, 2023
This country of laws, where everyone is supposed to be treated equally, has finally caught up with Donald Trump, the biggest liar, cheater, and traitor this country has ever produced. The law has finally caught up with this fraud of a man. He’s a fighter, though. He’ll make trouble for this country as he fights against the first indictment of a former president in American history. The first indictment, out of two or three more coming down the pike, is in New York City for him paying hush money to porn star Stormy Daniels a week or two before the 2016 election. To top it off, he counted it as a deduction on his income taxes. The second indictment could be the one where Trump called Georgia’s Secretary of State, Brad Raffensperger, to change 11,800 votes in his favor so he could defeat Joe Biden. Raffensperger recorded the conversation and refused to follow Trump’s request. The third indictment will eventually come from Jack Smith, Special Counsel for the Department of Justice, for Trump inciting the January 6th Insurrection and for storing a large number of classified documents at his Mar-a-Lago estate.
Yes, the country will hear all of these cases against Trump. Will it change the minds of his followers? It might change some, but Trump is an altogether different cookie. He’ll most likely incite Civil War if Special Counsel Jack Smith finds him guilty of the January 6th Insurrection. This is why we need strong judges to stand up to Trump. He is always saying about his accusers what he himself actually is. Here’s what he said yesterday after being indicted.
“This is Political Persecution and Election Interference at the highest level in history. From the time I came down the golden escalator at Trump Tower, and even before I was sworn in as your President of the United States, the Radical Left Democrats – the enemy of the hard-working men and women of this Country – have been engaged in a Witch-Hunt to destroy the Make America Great Again movement. You remember it just like I do: Russia, Russia, Russia; the Mueller Hoax; Ukraine, Ukraine, Ukraine; Impeachment Hoax 1; Impeachment Hoax 2; the illegal and unconstitutional Mar-a-Lago raid; and now this.
“The Democrats have lied, cheated and stolen in their obsession with trying to ‘Get Trump,’ but now they’ve done the unthinkable – indicting a completely innocent person in an act of blatant Election Interference.
“Never before in our Nation’s history has this been done. The Democrats have cheated countless times over the decades, including spying on my campaign, but weaponizing our justice system to punish a political opponent, who just so happens to be a President of the United States and by far the leading Republican candidate for President, has never happened before. Ever.
“Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg, who was hand-picked and funded by George Soros, is a disgrace. Rather than stopping the unprecedented crime wave taking over New York City, he’s doing Joe Biden’s dirty work, ignoring the murders and burglaries and assaults he should be focused on. This is how Bragg spends his time!
“I believe this Witch-Hunt will backfire massively on Joe Biden. The American people realize exactly what the Radical Left Democrats are doing here. Everyone can see it. So our Movement, and our Party – united and strong – will first defeat Alvin Bragg, and then we will defeat Joe Biden, and we are going to throw every last one of these Crooked Democrats out of office so we can MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN!”
He blames the Democrats for being crooked, lying and cheating, but that’s exactly what he himself is. He’s such a fraud. The man is a criminal of the first order. Even the enabling Republicans know who and what Trump is, but they’re afraid to admit it, only because they want his followers’ support. A whole political party following a liar and cheat and they’re afraid to speak up. That’s how dictators come to power.
Monday, April 24, 2023
This afternoon, I parked at Trader Joe’s to go shopping. A half hour later I came back to my car to find that I couldn’t get in on the driver’s side because a pickup truck was parked too close to the driver’s door for me to squeeze through. I got in on the passenger side, but I couldn’t get over the hump between the two bucket seats. Was it my two replaced hips or my 82 years on Earth that were preventing me from getting into the driver’s seat? I just wasn’t elastic enough to get my 5-foot-10 frame into the driver’s seat.
I waited and waited for the driver of the pickup to return, but he or she didn’t come.
An older couple parked in the open spot next to the passenger side of my car. It was easy to see that they were Asian Indians and had empathy for my predicament.
The man, who was pretty thin, said he’d try to squeeze into the driver’s side, but like me, he couldn’t do it. His wife, a short woman, said she’d try to squeeze in. She too tried but couldn’t do it. She said she’d try to get in on the passenger side. I told her I couldn’t get over the hump between the two front seats because I was either too big or wasn’t elastic enough to do it. She said she’d try. She got into my car and easily got over the hump and into the driver’s seat. I then sat in the passenger seat and put the key into the ignition for her to steer my car away from the pickup.
This Indian couple had the empathy and compassion to help me out of a predicament. I put my hands together and bowed to the man while his wife was getting out of my car. He in turn put his hands together and bowed to me.
What’s the meaning of this little incident? It means that there are still people, in this fast-moving world, who took the time to help out another human being. “Thank you, dearest couple, for the great deed you did. With all my heart, I thank you.”
Just today, Fox News fired Tucker Carlson, a right-wing commentator and racist, but a man with a large following like Trump. Fox News last week had to pay $787 million for lying about the Dominion election machines in the 2020 election.
What is going on in the world? Clarence Thomas, one of nine U.S. Supreme Court Justices, is as corrupt as they come, taking money and bribes from the wealthy. China and the U.S. are talking war over China wanting to annex Taiwan. Vladimir Putin is threatening Ukraine with nuclear weapons. Gun safety is another problem with mass shootings going on every week in the U.S. Abortion is and will always be a split from the very religious and those who think rationally. Racism in Tennessee, where three legislators spoke up against gun violence in their chamber. Two Black legislators were expelled, but the third, a white woman, wasn’t expelled, which shows obvious racism in that chamber. Climate change is always on the minds of people. And then there’s the right-wing government of Israel with Benjamin Netanyahu doing a Trumpian thing of instigating division in his country.
Sunday, May 14, 2023
I came down with COVID again. The first time was last August, and now, last week. I must have caught it from Joan who had COVID two weeks ago. Joan recommended I take a home test and that’s when I found out I had it. After the test, I went straight to bed. I had a sore throat and slight headache and called Kaiser to deliver Paxlovid as soon as possible. It was delivered the next day. As soon as I took the Paxlovid, I started feeling better.
Today is Mother’s Day. I’m going to order a delivery from Joan’s favorite restaurant, Kingdom of Dumpling on Taraval Street.
Saturday, May 20, 2023
I’ve taken two home tests after 10 days and I’m free of COVID. Now I have to get my strength back. I went for my first walk in a long time and felt pretty weak. I didn’t go as far as I would’ve liked, but at least I got outside and walked about 2700 steps. It was a cold, gray day, and here it is, the middle of spring. It’s been like this for a whole week.
Journal 1993 is now on the Internet and my website. It’s 21,000 words long.
I promised myself I’d get some things done that have been hanging over me for a couple of months. I have to get a new sliding screen door that leads to our balcony. I have to change the furnace filter in the basement. I have to start sifting through the books in my office and taking them to Green Apple Books on Clement Street.
I started taking a blood pressure (BP) pill a couple of weeks ago. I can eat normally now and not worry too much about salt in my diet. I’m averaging about 130/64 for the past 10 days. Since I’ve started taking the pill, I’ve been consuming bread like there’s no tomorrow. I’ve got to cut down.
Friday, May 26, 2023
I got over my second bout of COVID last week. And then I had a surgical procedure done on my scalp earlier this week to see if it was cancerous. I haven’t received the results yet. I have instructions from Dr. Raffi to take it easy for a whole week. My procedure was done on Tuesday. I took the bandage off yesterday and washed the spot twice per instructions. I took my first shower in four days. Joan counted nine stitches yesterday. I haven’t walked in over a week. First it was COVID and then the procedure on my scalp. I’m supposed to wash that area of my scalp twice a day, pat it dry, then put petroleum jelly on it.
The Giants have a .500 record of 25 wins and 25 losses. A new influx of youth seems to have energized the team. Casey Schmitt, infielder, has hit in almost every game he’s played in. The same for Patrick Bailey, catcher. Bailey seems to be a better hitter than the other catcher, Joey Bart. Mr. Bart has great power when he gets his bat on the ball but he strikes out too much. With all that power that he possesses, he has yet to hit a home run this year.
Brock Purdy of the 49ers is still healing from elbow surgery. He can’t throw until it’s completely healed this summer. When he does come back, he will still be the starting quarterback over Trey Lance and Sam Darnold. He doesn’t have great arm strength, but the kid is smart. He uses every bit of his talent and intelligence. He’s the main man for head coach Kyle Shanahan, and for me as well. If he didn’t get injured in the NFC Championship game against the Philadelphia Eagles in January, he might have led them to defeating the Eagles and moved on to the Super Bowl against the Kansas City Chiefs.
I’ll soon start transcribing Journal 2001. That was the year the Twin Towers crumbled to the ground. That day is now known as 9/11.
Wednesday, June 14, 2023
The big news is, of course, Donald Trump. He’s been indicted on 37 counts for willfully retaining national defense secrets and is in violation of the Espionage Act. He, of course, says it’s a witch hunt. He always turns the truth upside down. For instance, yesterday he said, “Today we witnessed the most evil and heinous abuse of power in the history of our country.” He should have said, “Today I did the most evil and heinous abuse of power in the history of our country.” The man took boxes of classified documents that belonged in the National Archives to his Mar-a-Lago estate and defied the United States government by storing them in a ballroom and bathroom and for not giving them back until he was subpoenaed. Donald Trump is a traitor to this country and so he turns the tables around and says the country is abusing its power. He keeps turning things around, saying he won the election when he lost. He’s a megalomaniac is what he is. He belongs in a psychiatric ward. He lies and cheats and has no moral compass at all. He doesn’t care about this country. All he cares about is himself. He won’t leave the country alone. That man will always be in the limelight for as long as he’s alive. The only way he can get out of the mess he created for himself with the Department of Justice is to win the presidential election in 2024. Otherwise, as Bill Barr, Trump’s Attorney General, after reading the indictment, said, “Trump is toast.” The man is cornered now. If he doesn’t get to be president again, he might be convicted and sent to prison for the crimes he’s committed, especially for the Insurrection of the Capitol in 2021.
Last month I had a growth on my scalp that was taken off by a dermatologist. I had a second operation to see what was taken off was cancerous. Thank goodness no sign of cancer was found.
The YMCA pool is open after being closed for almost three weeks because a new boiler was installed. Now there won’t be any fluctuation in the pool temperature, as there has been for the past year.
We’re going to throw a party this Saturday to celebrate both Joan’s birthday and Father’s Day. It’s the first party we’re about to throw since before the pandemic. Ray called me this afternoon and said he and Sol bought a stationary bike for Joan’s birthday present. We’re going to have about 10 or 11 people here.
My sleep hasn’t been good. I wake up twice in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. The second time, around 5:30, I get back in bed and can’t get back to sleep. I just lay there for two hours. This is not good. I want to get back to sleep, but something is preventing that from happening. I wish I knew how to overcome this sleeplessness. Maybe I should pick up a book to read at 5:30 a.m. and read till my eyelids start getting heavy.
Friday, June 30, 2023
I’ve been busy doing a lot of things other than writing. For instance, two days ago I took three boxes of books to Green Apple Books on Clement Street to see if they would buy any of the books. The man who went through the boxes, picked out only seven books and said he’d give me $15 cash or $25 credit. I took the cash. Yesterday I took the remaining 70 books to the donation site of the Friends of the San Francisco Library on 17th Street in the Potrero Hill District. I’ve also been working out at the YMCA twice a week with my water aerobics class. Boy, working out in the water tires me to no end. I have to take a nap after a water workout. On Mondays I’m a busy fellow. I go to water aerobics in the morning, come home, eat lunch, then rest until I drive over to Samm McGregor’s house on 43rd Avenue and Kirkham to meet with her and her four neighbors to talk about everything under the sun. I’ve been doing this for over three years. You see, Samm started meeting with her neighbors in her garage due to the COVID pandemic that hit in March 2020. I’m the only one who doesn’t live on their block. There’s Ken and Judy Grady, sisters Lenore and Jean Lamey, Samm, and me. That’s it, just the six of us. We sit in a circle in Samm’s garage and talk about politics, the environment, schools, weather, Trump, dogs, cats, different contractors that we need or have had, relatives, grandchildren, food—you name it, we talk about it. I then leave Samm and friends at 4:30 and drive home to talk to Charles Lewman on the phone. Charles lives in Dana Point in Southern California. We’ve kept up our phone conversations at 5:00 p.m. on Mondays for the past 10 years. Charles and I went to Bancroft Junior High and Fairfax High and played football together. We didn’t communicate much in those days, but we do now. I consider Charles a very close friend. We, like the group that meets at Samm’s house, talk about everything, from philosophy to sports to health to happiness.
I wanted to make a list of what food and gas costs nowadays for posterity reasons. I paid $4.60 a gallon for gas last week. I remember putting gas in my car in L.A. in the 1950s that cost 25 cents a gallon. I buy a six-pack of Clausthaler non-alcoholic beer at Trader Joe’s for $6.99. A two-pound bag of organic carrots at Trader Joe’s costs $1.99. A half breast of turkey at Trader Joe’s costs between $14 and $18. I pay $5.99 for a pound of raw almonds at Trader Joe’s. If you buy one apple at Trader Joe’s it costs 69 cents. I buy 32 ounces of Greek Nonfat Yogurt for $5.49. Joan buys most of the other food items at Whole Foods.
The cost of labor has gone up considerably in the last few years. The minimum hourly wage is $15. We pay our cleaning lady, Lily Ramirez, $30 an hour for five hours of work every other week. Lily has been coming since we moved into our house in 1994.
I’m almost finished working on Journal 2001. That was the year of 9/11, of course, and the year Barry Bonds of the Giants not only tied Mark McGwire’s home run record of 70 but went on to hit the present-day major league record of 73. Even though he refuses to admit it, everyone knows Bonds took steroids. The Giants came close to getting into the playoffs in 2001, but it was no cigar for them. The Arizona Diamondbacks defeated the New York Yankees in a very thrilling World Series that kept the country glued to their seats. Arizona, with two outs, not only tied it up in the bottom of the ninth, but Luis Gonzalez hit in the game-winning run with a pop fly to left-center field. The year 2001 was when Don Ellis’ Creative Arts Book Company began its nosedive into bankruptcy. Don (my present-day editor) blamed the 9/11 attacks for his company’s demise. Thank goodness my first fictional book, Morning Pages, was published by Creative Arts a year before the attacks.
Friday, July 7, 2023
As I was walking along the beach one day, trying to figure out what my next writing project would be, this idea hit me: Use my journals as a writing project.
That thought came to me in 2020, a couple of months before the COVID pandemic closed down the country and the world. I would pick a year out of my 50-plus years of journal writing by going over each year and making it readable for anyone interested in what goes on in the country and in a writer’s mind.
I’ve completed nine of those 50-plus journal years in three and a half years and am on the verge of finishing the tenth. Next month I’ll be 83. I know there’s not much time left to complete what I’ve set out to do. But I’ll work on each year of my journals for as long as I can and as best as I can. That’s all I can do—to give my best effort.
I was going over a little project of mine of collecting quotes from mainly my friends on “The Meaning of Life.” The very first person on the list that I asked was my wife Joan. The meaning of life to her was, “To give your best effort.” Great quote. And that’s what I’m doing and have always tried to do in my life—to give my best effort.
Here are the other quotes I’ve written down:
“The meaning of life is an experience and an adventure from which we will not survive; however, it is also an opportunity to evolve.” —Ruth Britton, teacher and friend
“We live to respond to our Creator, to receive and recognize His gifts, to joyfully employ His gifts and powers, to glorify Him, to serve our neighbor, and in that we will find meaning and pleasure for ourselves.” —Ted Zimmerman, Lutheran pastor and former next-door neighbor
“There is no meaning to life.” —Jean Dana, artist and friend
“Maximize your happiness as long as you don’t harm anyone else, including nature, in pursuing it.” —Art Dana, scientist and friend
“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.” —Eleanor Roosevelt, first lady
“The meaning of life is all about discovery.” —Walt Leaman, businessman and friend
“The meaning of life is to be able to pursue your interests.” —Steve Carey, philosopher and friend
“I am that I am.” —Alan Blum, mechanical engineer and friend
“It is short and long-term goals that give meaning to my life.” —Joseph Sutton, writer
“The meaning of life is to survive and communicate with other life forms.” —Lou Berman, businessman and friend
“The meaning of life is to give life a meaning.” —Viktor E. Frankl, Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist
“The meaning of life is always changing. Right now, to me, there’s no meaning to life.” —Stan Lipkin, teacher and friend
“The meaning of life is to eat, shit, and fuck.” —Bill Hellums, businessman and friend
“Life is a gift. Our job is to overcome that nature of man, which is war. The goal is to live in peace.” —Don Ellis, former publisher, present day editor and friend
“The meaning of life is to experience life.” —Charles Lewman, philosopher and friend
“We are visitors on this planet, we are here for ninety or hundred years at the very most. During that period, we must try to do something good, something useful, with our lives. If you contribute to other people’s happiness, you will find the true goal, the true meaning of life.” —The Dalai Lama
“The meaning of life is to find your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.” —attributed to William Shakespeare
Saturday, July 8, 2023
Last night, this thought came to me: Those who belong to the present-day Republican party are Preachers of Hate and Negativity. They’re against giving women a choice to control their bodies; they’re against anyone who is not white; they’re against affirmative action in schools; they’re against the LGBTQ community; they’re against those who want to have rational gun laws; they’re anti-vaxers; they’re for banning books; they don’t believe climate change is happening; and they don’t believe that Joe Biden defeated Donald Trump in the 2020 election. To sum it up, they’re against humanity. Not all Republicans believe what I have just listed. But there’s a large percentage who do, maybe 30-40% of the U.S. population are Preachers of Hate and Negativity. Thank goodness they’re not in the majority right now.
As soon as I finish today’s entry, I’m going to drive over to Green Apple Books in the Richmond District and show the buyer of used books seven medium to large boxes of books. I had to have my son Ray, who was here today, carry the boxes downstairs to my car. I couldn’t do it because of my weak knees. I hope the buyer at Green Apple will buy a lot of books, but from the batch I took there last week, he chose to buy only seven books out of the three boxes I brought in, and that turned out to be $15 for me. Whatever is left over from the seven boxes today, I will donate to the Friends of the San Francisco Public Library. [Note: The buyer at Green Apple bought 13 books and paid me $21.]
Saturday, July 22, 2023
The whole world is sweltering except San Francisco. Today is going to be a hot day in San Francisco where it might reach 69 degrees. Temperatures everywhere else in the world are over 100 degrees, maybe 115 or 120 degrees in places. Phoenix, for example, has had temperatures over 110 degrees for 22 days straight and counting. The world is heating up, friends, and I’m part of the problem by driving my gas-driven 2018 Toyota Corolla. I rarely drive, though. I’ve gone approximately 13,000 miles in five years, which equals 2,600 miles per year. Does that take the guilt off my shoulders? Only a bit. If I ever get another car, it will be an electric or hybrid.
I finished my latest yearly journal this week, Journal 2001: The 9/11 Attacks. The front cover I created is of the Twin Towers burning. It’s the tenth yearly journal I’ve completed. It’s now on the Internet, as are all my printed books, e-books, and all my other yearly journals.
I’ve been sort of lazy this week. I usually walk on those days that I don’t go to my water aerobics class at the Y, which is on Mondays and Thursdays. I hope to walk later today when it’s a little cooler than the 68 degrees it is right now. How do I know the present temperature? I just go to my cell phone and touch the weather app, and voila, it tells me the temperature. After the weather, I touch my Fitbit sleep app to find out what my sleep score is. It’s usually in the high 60s or mid-70s, which, according to Fitbit, is only a Fair sleep. Sometimes my sleep score reaches the 80s, which is a Good sleep. Most of the time, though, it’s only a Fair score because I have to get out of bed twice, sometimes three times, to go to the bathroom.
Mr. Donald J. Trump, as usual, is in the news. He even says there will be trouble in the country if he goes to jail for breaking so many laws when he was president. Yes, there will surely be trouble because the man is an instigator of trouble, a spoiled child, if he doesn’t get his way. Every time I write about him my blood starts to boil. It’s happening to me this very second. Our government is following the law to a T with that man, making absolutely sure in finding him guilty for taking classified documents to his Mar-a-Lago estate, for inciting the January 6th Insurrection, for calling and trying to persuade a couple of state Secretaries of State to change the 2020 election votes, for backing fake electors in seven states, and for trying to convince vice-president Mike Pence to invalidate the election results in a joint session of Congress on January 6, 2021. Trump has broken so many laws. I can’t wait to see that man behind bars. But even in jail, he’ll still make trouble by playing the martyr. If he were an upstanding individual he’d shut his big fat mouth and admit he lost the 2020 election to Joe Biden. According to his daughter and several others, he knew he lost and refused to admit it. But the man has to be the center of attention every day of his life. It’s been said that he’s a narcissist (a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of himself). But as I’ve said in my previous writings, the former President of the United States, is not only a narcissist, he’s a sociopath (a person with a personality disorder manifesting itself in extreme antisocial attitudes and behavior and a lack of conscience) and a megalomaniac (a person who is obsessed with his own power). He surely loves and craves power, hungers for attention, and lacks a conscience. But the thing is, most Republican legislators, state and federal, and maybe two-fifths of the voters in our country are behind that man. They are the ones who refuse to see what Donald Trump truly is, which is a liar, cheat, lawbreaker, instigator, bully, racist, rapist, and fool. He’s just an incompetent ass, and people are still willing to vote for him. My friend Nate in Seattle, when we recently talked on the phone, said he’s going to vote for Trump. What is wrong with Nate and the rest of those who will vote for that traitor? Trump even admitted last week that if he becomes president he’ll be a dictator by dissolving many departments of our federal government. My friend Bill Hellums says it’s what the Heritage Foundation, an ultra-conservative think-tank, believes in. They stand for what Donald Trump stands for, that he won the election, that they are white nationalists, that they are pro-assault weapons, that they are anti-abortionists, and that they want to ban books.
What a sad state of affairs it is that so many Americans believe Donald Trump is their man to solve the ills of our country. Truly sad.
Saturday, August 5, 2023
The big, big news this week is that Donald Trump was indicted on four counts of designing a coup against the United States of America. Yes, it will be proved when the trial starts in Washington, D.C., that Donald Trump and his cohorts planned to keep him in power, mainly with fake electoral votes from several states and by counting on Vice-President Mike Pence to delay the proceedings by not counting the electoral votes on January 6th. It was an intentional coup to keep the power-hungry Trump in power. There’s plenty of evidence that he actually knew he lost the election. If the jury finds him guilty, as they should, he might spend the rest of his life in prison. I hear the sentence for sedition or planning a coup against the United States is from 5-20 years.
Mr. Bigshot is in a whole heap of trouble. That’s why he’s running for president again, to prevent from going to jail.
Saturday, August 12, 2023
Donald J. Trump will be a true menace to this country and other countries if he ever gains power again. He still holds millions of voters in the palm of his hand, maybe 35%-40% of eligible voters. Mr. Trump doesn’t stand to preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution, he stands for protecting only himself. This is what you call a man who is not in his right mind. He’s out to make his own rules, like Adolph Hitler and Benito Mussolini, like all dictators, past and present. He’s a bully, a brute, a man who says he was elected president in 2020 against all evidence to the contrary. To top it off, he says he won overwhelmingly.
Yes, I’m ranting again about this MENACE who is still going around the country preaching hate, threats, and vile things just so he can be president again, just so he can escape prosecution for planning a coup to overthrow the will of the people. How can I like a man who’s saying my vote didn’t count when I voted for Joe Biden in 2020? He’s saying he didn’t lose by seven million votes, he’s saying the election was rigged and that he won in a landslide. This man has fomented more trouble than any man in the history of this country since the Civil War. There wouldn’t be any trouble at all if only he had just said two words. There wouldn’t have been an Insurrection on the Capitol, people wouldn’t have died there, people wouldn’t have gone to jail for being insurrectionists, and Trump wouldn’t have to defend himself in four or five different court cases. But no, he’s still preaching hate and redemption against those who opposed him, and he’s still causing social unrest and division. None of this would be taking place if only he had said, “I CONCEDE.”
Saturday, September 30, 2023
I’ve been focused on revising Journal 2015. It’s the only Journal I’ve worked on for the past two months. Let’s hope I won’t put off writing like I’ve done this month. I’ve had notions to write but I was too lazy to do it. What’s going on? Well, I say to myself, I’m 83 years old, so no big deal if I don’t write. Well, it is a big deal when I don’t write. I can’t let that happen. I’ve got to write when I think about it, when I get an idea, when I want to put down my thoughts, and even when I don’t even feel like writing. I’ve got to do that instead of putting it off, because putting off something is giving up on life. Age shouldn’t matter whether I write or not. Getting to my desk and writing should be the prime act in my daily life. I’ve got to start writing more, not every day necessarily, but just start writing more.
The country was facing a shut down yesterday but has been reprieved for the next 45 days. The Republicans don’t want to give Ukraine more money to fight Russia. I wonder if that’s going to be a reality after 45 days. If it happens, Ukraine and democracy are in deep trouble. Those Republicans, all they care about is to gum up the works of our government. They even want to waste time to impeach President Biden. For what reason? To please Donald Trump, who has 91 indictments going against him. Trump is a criminal on the loose, and the Republicans are still afraid of this man who wants to be a dictator. He’s even admitted that he wants revenge on the Democrats by ordering his Attorney General to go after them.
The Republicans don’t care about this country, they don’t even care about Donald Trump. All they care about is holding onto power. But they’re going about it in such an underhanded way. It’s their fault that Donald Trump wields so much power. They know who and what that man really is, except they’re afraid of him. They’re afraid what will come out of his big fat mouth. The Republicans know he wields power because he has about 40% of the eligible voters under his wing. The Republicans want to fly under that wing. They know they’ll lose Trump’s base if they rock the boat.
Giants’ manager Gabe Kapler was fired yesterday. It was sort of a surprise to me because I thought he would be given one more year to right the ship. I thought he gave the young rookies chances they never would have gotten. The rookies will gain confidence for next year, and then we might see improvement in the team’s record. But last year and this year, they only played .500 ball.
Thursday, October 18, 2023
The big news for the past 10 days is what’s happening in Israel and the Gaza Strip. Hamas, a terrorist organization in Gaza, snuck up on an outdoor electronic musical festival, two kibbutzim, and other communities near the Gaza Strip. They slaughtered 1400 Jews (chopping off their heads and arms, children included) and took more than 200 hostages. And then they started sending rockets across the border into Israel. Israel, of course, retaliated and sent in planes to bomb certain targets in Gaza, killing innocent people. What did Hamas expect? They knew innocent people would die, and the longer this war goes on, more innocent people will die. Yesterday a hospital in Gaza was bombed. Hamas is saying Israel did it and Israel is saying Hamas did it. As many as 600 people were killed, children and all. There is now great tension going on in the Middle East. President Biden was supposed to meet with the leaders of Egypt, Jordan, and the West Bank, but called it off because of the hospital bombing.
There has got to be an immediate ceasefire by both sides or else all hell will break loose.
Monday, November 27, 2023
My grandson Maxwell was born in the early morning of November 24, several hours after we had Thanksgiving dinner at Ray and Ashely’s house. Ashley’s parents, James and Erma Johnson, were there for the dinner. Erma did all the cooking. James left for his home in San Jose after the 49ers won the game around 9:30 p.m. Then Joan and I left and arrived home at around 10:30 p.m. Six hours later little Maxwell (6 1/2 pounds) was born. We haven’t seen him in person yet because I’ve come down with a cold that has made me weak for the last few days. Tired, tired, tired is how I feel.
Today, for example, I had a very light breakfast when I saw the United Cerebral Palsy truck outside on the street. I rushed downstairs and brought the boxes and bags outside of the garage so the UCP driver could load them onto his truck. I wasn’t prepared for him to come so early. I had to sift through a bunch of boxes of my own self-published books as fast as I could to give to UCP. I think I gave away about a hundred books.
Yes, Joan and I are clearing our house of books, books, books. We have so many, Joan especially, that we’ve hired a small company to help us empty the shelves in our house. I practically emptied my office of all the books I’ve collected over a span of seven decades. We have yet to go through the hundreds of books in our living room, downstairs in the family room, and in Joan’s office. The company of five or six people will be coming in early December to help us rid of those books.
Joan and I are 83 now and I’m sure that our sons Ray and Sol won’t have much to do with the books that are left in our house after we pass away. We have a huge collection of books. They are worth quite a bit, but what can we do other than give them away?
After the United Cerebral Palsy man left, Oscar from the furnace company arrived. I called Schmitt furnace and they sent him out because a vinyl hose about a quarter inch wide was leaking on the garage floor. I collected the leaking water in a couple of bowls for a few days until Oscar arrived. He found what was wrong. The hose came loose from where the washing machine water goes. That was it. He didn’t do anything but find that the hose came loose from where it originally was, and you know what I was charged? $205. I should have noticed it came loose from the pipe leading to where the washing machine water goes. My fault. My bad.
The 49ers are back on track after losing three games in a row. They’ve won their last three games and are now 8 and 3. This coming Sunday they’ll play the Philadelphia Eagles (10 and 1) in Philly to see which team in the National Football Conference is better. Both teams played each other in the Conference championship game last year, but quarterback Brock Purdy injured his throwing arm early on and that was the end of the 49ers right there. Purdy, one year later, is now being considered as one of the top candidates for MVP of the league. It should be quite a game this coming Sunday. And then this coming Saturday, Oregon, my alma mater, will play Washington to see which team will play in the College Football Championship game. [Note: Oregon lost to Washington 34-31. Washington played Michigan in the Championship game and lost 34-13.]
Wednesday, December 6, 2023
Journal 2015: History of One Man is now on the Internet and my website. It took me longer to finish this yearly journal than the 10 others I’ve completed. I think the reason is, I cut out a hell of a lot of what I thought was superfluous material.
I have no idea what my next yearly journal will be. I tend to shy away from my written journals. I much prefer working on journals that are already on my computer. It’s hard to transcribe what I’ve written in pen to the computer. Let’s say I wrote three pages in long hand. It might take me all day to transcribe those three pages. All I have to do is revise when my journal writing is already in my computer.
The 49ers won big over the Philadelphia Eagles this past Sunday by a score of 42-19. But they’re still one game behind Philly in having the best record in the National Football Conference. They might get to be the top team with five games remaining. If they become the top team, they’ll have home field advantage throughout the playoffs. [Note: The 49ers, with homefield advantage throughout the playoffs, defeated the Green Bay Packers and the Detroit Lions but lost Super Bowl LVII (57) in overtime, 25-22, to the Kansas City Chiefs at Allegiant Stadium in Las Vegas in early February 2024.]
War still rages between Israel and Hamas. Israel is making rubble of the Gaza Strip, a strip of land only 25 miles long and five to seven miles wide. Israel is making it hard to be a Jew in the world because they keep bombing innocent people in Gaza. We know they want to destroy Hamas, a fanatical terrorist organization, but at the same time, the world is turning against Jews because Israel’s Defense Forces are committing genocide (the deliberate killing of an ethnic group who can’t defend themselves). Israel should know better. I, personally, haven’t felt prejudice coming my way yet.
The only time I felt antisemitism was when I attended the University of Oregon in the early 1960s. One of my teammates, Mike Gaechter, half-Jewish himself, warned me not to tell our teammates that I was Jewish. I didn’t flaunt being Jewish, but I didn’t hide it if someone asked me my religion. The thing is, I have never been a religious person. There’s a saying that describes me to a T. It goes, “I’m not religious, I’m Jewish.” Oregon, in the early ’60s, was a prejudice, backward state. Black people, Jews, Latinos, and homosexuals were frowned upon. I don’t know for sure if I was being ignored by my teammates because I was Jewish, but I know this for a fact: I, along with six Black players on the team, were never asked to join a fraternity. Even if asked, I wouldn’t have joined. Also, when it came to attending church services on a Saturday morning before our home and away games, my roommate Ben Brown always informed me I was the only one who didn’t attend.
I remember going downtown on the bus to my dad’s linen store in early 1950s Los Angeles (when I was between the ages of 10 and 13), and there, inside the bus and above the windows, were a line of two-foot by one-foot posters. One of the posters stood out like the sun to me. “ECIDUJERP spelled backwards is prejudice…either way it doesn’t make sense.” That simple little poster resonated deeply with me.
Joan and I saw our new grandson Maxwell for the first time this past weekend. When handed to me, he felt as light as an empty peanut shell. He made squeaky sounds. I wish with all my heart that both he and his brother Joseph (almost 4) will be of good cheer in their lives.
Thursday, December 7, 2023
There once was a writer in his early-80s who never made it big as a writer. Only his friends, acquaintances, and the small number of people who bought his books in bookstores knew of him. He was getting tired of his ideas not being recognized. He wanted recognition, not for money, but for a little say in what was going on in the country. You see, he once considered himself the incarnation of Tom Paine, the man who wrote those famous words early on in the Revolutionary War: “These are the times that try men’s souls.”
The incarnation of Tom Paine wants his views known to a much larger group than those who already know of him. How is he going to make a name for himself at this late stage in his life? He hits upon an idea. “I have hundreds of my own printed books stored in my garage. I’ll donate them to organizations who take book donations. That’s what I’ll do.”
And it so happened that one day a person browsing through a box of books at a garage sale in Rochester, New York, came upon a book written by this unknown author. The man liked what he read. He gave it to his wife to read. She read it and then gave it to a friend visiting from Omaha, Nebraska. The friend loved what he read, especially what the author had to say about there always being a time that try men’s and women’s souls.
The man contacted the author and said to him: “I loved your writing. I own a public relations firm and an advertising firm. I think your voice should be heard across this country. You do not have to pay me a penny for what I’m about to do for you.”
What I am trying to get across is that writers want to be read and if someone likes what an unknown writer has written, especially a person with the means to do it, that writer will eventually be recognized and his views will become known. That’s all the writer ever wanted, not money, but being recognized for his ideas. Recognition leads to influence, influence leads to some kind of power, and power, if used properly, can help the world get along better. But, if the power is misused, then trouble looms ahead.
Friday, December 8, 2023
I graduated from Fairfax High School in Los Angeles in June 1958. Penny Kaplan was one of my classmates who I asked to our Senior Prom. After the Prom, I drove up to the Hollywood hills and started making out with Penny. We were about to go even further than that when all of a sudden there was a knock on the passenger-side window. It was two L.A. cops telling us that we’d better stop what we were doing because there were people taking advantage of couples making out in cars. They’d either take their money or rape the women. To be interrupted like that was a very traumatic experience for Penny and me and so we cooled down real fast after that. I drove Penny home and never called to resume what we were doing in the Hollywood hills. Why didn’t I, a virgin at the time, call Penny? Because I was stupid.
It wasn’t until 50 years later that I saw her at our 50th class reunion. I gave her a copy of my book, Morning Pages. In it was a story, “My Almost First Woman,” of what took place that night in the Hollywood hills. A few weeks later, Penny wrote back and told me she would have given herself to me if only I had called that summer. But I was too busy working at a job and training for the upcoming football season at L.A. Valley Junior College.
What a schmuck I was for not calling her.
Friday, December 15, 2023
I’m thinking about the movie I saw earlier this week on TV: Fiddler on the Roof. It hit the movie theaters in 1971. I remember seeing the movie with my parents, Raymond and Jean Sutton. I don’t remember what their reaction to Fiddler was, but my reaction was that I loved it. I still love it. I saw such great creativity in it, in the acting, music, direction, cinematography, plot, and history of the time in a Russian Jewish shtetl. All those aspects melded together into the making of a great movie.
Creativity. We humans are extremely creative. We’ve created conversation, toothpaste, asphalt streets, cement streets, water piped into our homes, the cell phone, spaceships, cruise ships, bras, needles, beer. Everywhere you look, a human being created it. Printers, computers, sofas, photos. Creativity. Inventions. Theories. Math. Cars. Guns. Bombs.
But we humans have yet to learn how to control our tempers. I’m speaking of myself here. Yes, at times I’ve lost my temper with my wife, my sons, and with presidents and politicians. Others have lost their tempers in shooting and killing people. We still war against each other. We humans just haven’t been able to curb our emotions.
Which brings me to a basketball player who keeps getting into trouble on the basketball court. His name is Draymond Green of the Golden State Warriors. He’s the dirtiest basketball player playing today and is always arguing with the referees and getting technical fouls called on him. He’s never learned to curb his emotions. And for that, he is now being suspended indefinitely this basketball season for swinging and hitting an opposing player in the mouth. Draymond Green can’t control his emotions. And this leads me to think that it’s not Draymond’s fault, it’s the fault of his upbringing, what he’s gone through in life, and the chemical makeup of his body. I’m in the same boat. I’ve lost my temper because I grew up in a house where my mother was constantly hollering at me or at one of my five brothers. This went on day after day after day. And so, is it my fault that I sometimes can’t control my temper, which I always regret losing? But I want to get one thing straight—I’m not like Draymond Green on the basketball court, acting out in front of thousands who attend a game or of millions watching on TV. I’m not like him at all, but only in the sense that on a rare occasion I lose my temper. Why do I sometimes lose it? Why does Draymond Green lose it? Why does Donald Trump act the way he acts? Is it because of our upbringings and other factors?
I’ve been thinking about this after reading two articles by Robert Sapolsky, a biology, neurology, and neuro-surgery scientist who teaches at Stanford University. He says we have no free will and that our lives are determined by so many factors like stress, emotional state, last night’s dinner, physical comfort, family dysfunction, faith, serotonin, discrimination, drugs, alcohol, dopamine, head trauma, DNA, beliefs, fears, hormones, abuse, demographics, health, childhood, finances, birth order. It all goes back to the womb with him.
According to Sapolsky, if I lose my temper, it’s not my fault, it’s due to my past history. The same for Draymond Green and Donald Trump and Vladimir Putin and Winston Churchill and Joe Biden and Napoleon, Socrates, Plato, Aristotle, Epicurus and on and on. Sapolsky says, “We can do what we want, but we can’t choose what it is we want to do.”
Will the human race survive on this planet? Will we ever be able to curb our tempers, curb wars, curb killing one another, curb hatred, bigotry, racism? At one time I thought we could, but now I’m not so sure.
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